Selections 2015-2016
The Color of Conformity
Daylight in my mind faded and the last sliver of doubt disappeared with the gaping new moon. The last time I had failed was the first time I had succeeded and the last time I fell was the first time I had gotten up. The pressure and the insecurities eat away at us all. Society breaks our bones into conformity, beats us into uniformity and mercilessly scares every single being to living inside of the lines of "social acceptance.”
I was afraid. How could I go on in the world if I didn't blend in? If I wasn't a gray speck among the storm cloud how would I ever survive? Surely others must think this way. I couldn't be alone in the demanding tides. Yet the ones who understand are so far out of reach that hope became emaciated. How could a person feel so neglected when provided with so much? I longed for someone who didn't put me down, someone who looked at me without disgust or distaste but I was beginning to think that didn't exist.
Soon I came to the realization that I shouldn't care what the others think. What do I have to prove? If they can't take the time out of their day to address me as a living thing with feelings and a soul that has felt so much despair that it sometimes contemplates on continuing its hellish journey then why bother with them? Eventually the ones who mocked and spat insults at my back will fade into distant memories. No longer shall they be cared for in my old age but I will hold them close to my heart, not as friend nor foe but as a lesson. If all flowers bloomed on the same day with same color who would want to pick such petals? Who would want to see a rainbow in different shades of gray?
My doubts in humanity are still not furthered nor defaced. We still have darkness in the depths of our souls and when daylight fades, whether in my mind or on the earth I will try to carry on. Not for myself but for the ones against me.
-Janenita Monteiro